Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
