Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
