Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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