Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
