Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
