he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
