I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
