Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize