so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
