Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
