Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
