She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
