Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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