so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
