Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
