There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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