listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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