The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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