her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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