you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
