btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize