god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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