omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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