were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
