Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
