Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
