when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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