Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Houston, we have a squirter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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