Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
