2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize