Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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