i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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