dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
