His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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