Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
