hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
