i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize