I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there is glitter all over my balls
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