My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
