I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
