She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
