I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
