Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
