please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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