Who did Billy Mays play for?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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