I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
