Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize