u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You left your phone here
Wait...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
