The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
