No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
