She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The Olympian is in my bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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