The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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