"it" just moved
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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