u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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