Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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