HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
