Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
