The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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