The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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