this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
