This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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