Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
