Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm like, not good at living.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
