Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
