Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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