Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dear god my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
