At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
