Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love you. Go after that dick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
