You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
