So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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