dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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